Squirt

As a woman, you know something about you has changed irrevocably when someone with a penis—while sucking furiously on your nipple—releases the loudest, wettest, most trumpeting fart imaginable and shits his pants…

…and you look down at him, and he smiles a toothless grin, and you fully accept that you’re in love with a tiny, incontinent bald man.

Then you clean the feces from his balls, and you still think he’s charming.

That’s romance. 

I shall call him Squirt.