The best kind of friend with benefits: the kind who writes a guest blog post for you when you're working too much at your real-life job and busy writing character summaries for a real-life-literary-agent for your real-life-wannabe-novel.
In other words, enormous thanks/kudos/non-erotic-but-friendly-thoughts to one of my seven favorite people on the planet, Kate, for writing a guest blog for me today. Do yourself a favor and visit Kate, also known as GDC (or Goddamn Caitlin, she's a G-D-C) over at Fat Ass to Fit Ass.
Here's her post...not only is it about something I have on the brain lately (siblings!), it will also show you why she and I are brain twins. You'll have to find out about our boob twinsiness elsewhere.
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I am not your typical sister. First of which I didn't grow up in the same house with my siblings. They lived with my Mom and I lived with my grandparents, so our relationship is a little different than your normal siblings. One of my favorite things to do was to tell my sisters random stuff to see if they'd believe me.
A smart person might say I was abusing their youthful trust in me for my own amusement. That person would be right.
Once when I was having trouble trying to sleep I told Cassidy my eye teeth were pointy because I was a vampire and that when she slept I would suck part of her blood, not too much though. I told her the whole story in a bad Transylvanian accent. She was about 7 and I was about 14. She stayed awake all night and I thought it was hilarious.
A couple years later I was a chaperone for my youngest sister's field trip to the zoo when she was in the 4th grade. I'm about 13 years older than her, and I had a flexible schedule so I became her go to field trip chaperone.
So she's 9 and I'm taking her and a couple of her very best friends around the Tulsa Zoo. I'm trying to be as polite and intelligent as I can, filling their tiny heads with my impressive knowledge of all animal species. Let me tell you it was fascinating.
But I got bored. I can only go so long being proper, not accidentally cursing or making references young children shouldn't know about... so I got creative.
We had just finished seeing all the scary big cats at the zoo and were winding up our tour when we came to the Emus. As you know, the emu is not a graceful or pretty bird and I knew absolutely nothing about them. So when Camryn turned to me and said "Katy, what's that?" I looked at her with my most serious face and said, "Camryn, that's the most dangerous animal in the world."
She of course believed me, so I kept going. Explaining to her that the emu would kick a person square in the chest and their heart would explode. Camryn and her BFFs took about 4 steps back from the emu habitat. I felt accomplished and we finished our zoo tour.
Honestly I never thought of it again.
Then about 5 years later when Camryn was older she and I went back to the zoo with a couple of my friends just for fun.
We were walking around for the day and were wrapping up when we got to the emu exhibit. My friends and I stepped up and were reading about the birds, Camryn was not.
I turned around and asked her why she was so far away. She looked at me with her solemn face and said "Katy, that bird could make my heart explode."
I stood dumbfounded for a minute... then nodded and said, "That's right. Good girl."
And I've still never corrected her. I hope that's not a question on some important test she has to have for college.
Who am I kidding, that'd be hilarious.
A smart person might say I was abusing their youthful trust in me for my own amusement. That person would be right.
Once when I was having trouble trying to sleep I told Cassidy my eye teeth were pointy because I was a vampire and that when she slept I would suck part of her blood, not too much though. I told her the whole story in a bad Transylvanian accent. She was about 7 and I was about 14. She stayed awake all night and I thought it was hilarious.
A couple years later I was a chaperone for my youngest sister's field trip to the zoo when she was in the 4th grade. I'm about 13 years older than her, and I had a flexible schedule so I became her go to field trip chaperone.
So she's 9 and I'm taking her and a couple of her very best friends around the Tulsa Zoo. I'm trying to be as polite and intelligent as I can, filling their tiny heads with my impressive knowledge of all animal species. Let me tell you it was fascinating.
But I got bored. I can only go so long being proper, not accidentally cursing or making references young children shouldn't know about... so I got creative.
We had just finished seeing all the scary big cats at the zoo and were winding up our tour when we came to the Emus. As you know, the emu is not a graceful or pretty bird and I knew absolutely nothing about them. So when Camryn turned to me and said "Katy, what's that?" I looked at her with my most serious face and said, "Camryn, that's the most dangerous animal in the world."
She of course believed me, so I kept going. Explaining to her that the emu would kick a person square in the chest and their heart would explode. Camryn and her BFFs took about 4 steps back from the emu habitat. I felt accomplished and we finished our zoo tour.
Honestly I never thought of it again.
Then about 5 years later when Camryn was older she and I went back to the zoo with a couple of my friends just for fun.
We were walking around for the day and were wrapping up when we got to the emu exhibit. My friends and I stepped up and were reading about the birds, Camryn was not.
I turned around and asked her why she was so far away. She looked at me with her solemn face and said "Katy, that bird could make my heart explode."
I stood dumbfounded for a minute... then nodded and said, "That's right. Good girl."
And I've still never corrected her. I hope that's not a question on some important test she has to have for college.
Who am I kidding, that'd be hilarious.
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Thanks, Kate, not only for the blog, but for being sadistically awesome. Also, thanks for cross stitching "Irony is not dead" as a craft project complete with bunnies and ducklings.
Camryn is one of my students, and I totally brought that up to her. I laughed hysterically. When I told the class the lie that Kate told, about 3 of them believed me until Cam revealed the truth. Thanks for having her guest-blog.
ReplyDeleteJenna